this morning went through my cabinet.
found some old photo albums.
looked through them.
realized they were photos taken with my dad before he passed away a long time ago.
i read the notes he wrote to my mother before he died.
time seemed to stop then.
I asked myself if i have been doing the right thing.
I promised my dad i would work hard, be filial and grow up to be a young man who will support my mother.
But what am i doing now? everything that i'm trying to do now contradicts what i promised my dad i would do in the past.
maybe i don't deserve to live.
maybe my dad should have been the one to live and i should have been the one to die instead.
maybe then, my mother wouldn't have to work so hard just to provide for me and my sister cause honestly i feel that she shouldn't be subjected to this.
she deserves a better life .
and i don't deserve such a loving mother.